You can leave your hat on
by Hustlers
Summary: A bad day might just end a lot better. Oneshot that was driving me mad


A/N I do not own Labyrinth and write for fun. Sorry this was triggered by something I saw on TV and needed to get it out of my head so I can focus on other things.

The sky above the Labyrinth illuminated with the bright flash of lightening that cut across its midnight sky closely followed by a thunderous roar that shook the ground. This signalled to all the Goblin King was not in the best of moods and they quickly hid in any place they could find.

The silhouette of an owl floated across the walls and floors below before its owner glided with regal grace through the window of the great castle in the centre of the goblin city. Black heeled boots hit the floor with a load bang as the owl became the King once more. He walked with measured strides along the halls quickly depositing any goblin in his path out of a window by means of his boot or into the awaiting bog.

He had known on rising that morning that today would be hell and he should stay in bed. But no, he had ignored his inner voice and forged ahead and a day from hell it had been. Firstly, his breakfast had been interrupted by a summons. On arriving to grant the wish and take the child. He had made the most splendid of entrances, quite dramatic he had thought at the time. Not too much glitter but lots of malice and magic. The boy completely ignored him his eyes locked to the square screen in front of him while his fingers pressed against some device he held. He seemed to be in some form of combat and was repeatedly shouting at some invisible comrades on the fact that they were a bunch of idiots, not protecting his back and the sniper was on the roof. Jareth had cleared his throat but no response. He had spoken the lads name, still nothing, in fact the only reaction he got was when he stood in front of the damn screen.

"Hey man move the dog is over there"

Dog, dog, he had been summoned for a bloody dog. Jareth's anger flared he had growled so load the damn dog legged it out of the room faster than he could blink while the boy did nothing but curse at the screen. Jareth flicked his wrist causing the screen to shatter and the image on it to flood forth. Shame this lad was not so courageous when faced with the real thing. The only light moment was the fact the boy would need a change of trousers as he now smelt worse than the bog. At which point Jareth had left minus the dog.

It seemed that the more the years passed the more the human world got lost in its own technology and the harder it was to have a conversation. Things did not improve once he was back underground. He hadn't even managed to reach the castle and the Court had derailed him to the High Castle. Four hours, four hours he had to sit through their idiotic arguments on totally mundane subjects most of which he could not even recall now. Then they had the audacity to mock his kingdom and the way he ran things. Initially the insults consisted of the usual, the bog was an eye sore and extremely unpleasant to the sensitive nose of the many nobles. Of course, it was the bog of stench what did they expect. Then it was the lack of hygiene in the goblin city all this he had heard a million times before and as before he was ignoring it. Then just when he thought the ordeal had ended they hit him with something completely new. Apparently he needed to update his role and get with the times as the humans say. Their idea of this was a complete makeover of the Labyrinth and Goblin City and to use the internet to his advantage. Do a little advertising they had suggested? Books where old news, everything was electronic these days.

Seriously, they had suggested he put the book on amazon so it could be downloaded onto a kindle. When he had shot back, in a rather mocking tone that maybe he should start taking wish requests via email or Facebook they had thought it an excellent suggestion and whole heartedly agreed.

"Over my dead body" Jareth growled

He had no doubt where these ridiculous notions came from and not from the bunch of withering old fools he was now facing they hadn't left the underground in hundreds of years, what did they know. A certain demon lord had been whispering no doubt and Lucifer would pay later for his bit of fun at his expense.

Now back in his castle he wanted a drink a very, very large drink and some peace. The storm outside was now a major crescendo and it shook the foundations of the castle itself. Today could not get any worse. His boots echoed on the stone floor as he made his way towards the throne room. Tonight he would find release in oblivion induced by a large amount of goblin ale. While he usually preferred wine tonight required a much stronger sedative.

By now the smarter goblins had left the castle which still meant there was a large number still mulling about. Idiots, they just did not know when to run and the High council wanted to release this lot over the world wide web. Did they not realise the havoc a few goblins could cause let alone a thousand with free roam? A sinister smirk graced his lips, maybe he should remind the council just how uncontrollable goblins really where. He could send them a few this evening, it would no doubt give them a glorious night.

His amusing thought was cut short as he found himself almost falling to the floor after tripping over some fabric. As he untangled his boot and held up the offending item for examination he noticed that the black material in his hand seemed to be a dress of sorts. Damn, they had been raiding wardrobes in the above again while he had been occupied. He almost fell again when his boot hit a heeled shoe. Whichever goblin this was that was leaving items of women's clothing along the floor would suffer by wearing said items for a week and was not going to return from the bog.

It was bad enough when the little buggers had been obsessed by Lego without the sudden urge to cross dress. He winced as his mind recalled the awful scene of the castle covered in what he had assumed where harmless plastic bricks. The structures they had managed to assembled had been quite amazing, one had even built a house in the goblin city from the things. So he had ignored their latest obsession only to discover later that night how immensely deadly those blocks could become when the lights were out and you were walking bare foot across your chambers. In fact, he had placed many of the smaller blocks in the dark oubliettes as a means of torture. He had still been finding the things in his rug for a week after.

Finally, he had reached the throne room. He could have easily transported himself there but the mood he was in and the way his day had gone thus far would have probably landed him in the bog himself. Walking had been a much safer option. With a sigh he pushed open the door only to be charged by some rowdy group of goblins pushing him back out and telling him not to enter and to go to bed.

Now he saw red, how dare they tell him, him their King what to do. No, he should have never risen this morning. He glared at the group now baring his entrance to the throne room.

"You have literally three seconds to move before I hang you by your scrawny little necks till you are dead before depositing your bodies into the bog.

His voice was low and the words hissed from his mouth so slowly that the goblins eyes grew immensely wide and they squealed in freight before running off.

Jareth once more pushed open the throne room door. To his relief the room was silent, not one goblin or chicken for that matter was present. At last he could relax and forget this horrendous day. As he moved round the pit towards his throne he stopped in his tracks. There seemed to be someone sat in his throne, how bloody dare they. He cast his eye over the fool who had dared such a thing. His eyes first fell on black boots, much like his own. These boots seemed to be attached to a pair of shapely legs in tight grey pants and above them a white poet's shirt, the face obscured by a rather large hat. It seemed this person had style and dressed just as he did. Actually, the clothes seemed a little big that was when he realised they were dressed in his clothes. Jareth was now ready to explode in the most dramatic fashion ever. The lightning and thunder rolled into one as the heavens opened and rain battered the ground. Those were his clothes this was the final insult. Just as he neared the throne ready to throttle this person a voice cut through the air and froze him in his tracks

"Hard day at the office dear"

A female voice, one that should be familiar but he could not quite place it.

"I do not know who the hell you are "growled Jareth "But get off my throne and out of my bloody clothes"

The figure gracefully rose and began to step down the dais the face still hidden. Jareth watched in surprise as this mystery woman began to remove said items

"I did not mean immediately" jareth said

"You didn't" the voice replied "what's said is said"

Jareth watched as first the boots, followed by the leggings then the poet's shirt was removed and dropped upon the throne room floor. His eyebrows raised in complete disbelief as the figure now stood before him almost completely naked. He had to admit this wench had a fine body on her.

"Mind if I keep the hat on" she asked in an amused tone.

Jareth was completely lost for words. Today had to be the weirdest day of his entire life and it had been a long life with some extraordinary moments in it. There was no way she was keeping the hat on.

Jareth began to pace round her and noticed she did not flinch. He could just see a few strands of brown hair escaping down her back.

"Take it off "he hissed

"My, you have had a bad day haven't you" she replied

"Bad day trust me; you have no idea"

"Well, let me help you forget it"

"As tempting as your offer is wench I do not take strangers into my bed for the mere fun of it"

Well not any more anyway not since a certain hell raiser had run through his kingdom then left it and him shattered to pieces. That thought made his anger bubble up once more

"I suggest you gather your clothing and leave"

"Such a pity" she purred

Jareth ignored her and headed to his throne dropping down onto the seat he threw his leg leisurely over the arm rest before summoning some ale and waiting for the women to leave. He groaned inwardly as instead of heading out of the room she turned and walked back towards his throne.

"But I have brought you a gift" she said

Jareth rolled his eyes it seemed some people could just not take the hint and how dare she steel his line. If it meant she would leave he would play along, maybe it would calm his frayed temper.

"What is it" he hissed

"A hat nothing more"

"A hat" he repeated

"Yes and if you turn it this way and remove it, it will show you your dream"

At this Jareth burst into laughter, this woman was insane obviously.

"Don't mock what you have not tried" she said

Jareth sat quietly for a moment his eyes once again glided over her body. Yes, she was certainly a fine figure of a women but he was not interested.

"Look, girl" he hissed "My day has been long and odious and I am in no mood for games so leave"

"After I put in so much effort, that's not fair"

Fair, that voice, that word, no it could not be, it was impossible. His day had been so bad he was now hallucinating. As the women moved away from his throne and began to walk towards the doors he jumped up. He could not let her leave just in case.

"Wait" he called

After all he had to be sure as the day had been so bad he did not wish to make it worse and if he was wrong well then he was wrong. The women stopped in her tracks and waited for him.

"Remove the hat" he said

"Do it yourself" she spat back

The venom in her voice confirmed it for him, no one would dare speak to him in such a tone. He strode in front of her and quickly tore the hat from her head. Two emerald green eyes starred up at him. He could not believe it, she was here, it was her and she was smiling and half naked in his throne room.

"Sarah"

"Can I have my hat back"

He looked at her and the stress and anger of the day vanished in an instant. A small smirk graced his lips as he lent his head down and whispered in her ear.

"I will make you an offer. Remove the rest and you can leave the hat on"

Sarah gasped as his breath tickled across her bare shoulder. Jareth had leant back up and was now gazing at her with a hunger in his eyes and a large smirk on his lips. Sarah rose on tip toe and leaned into him, her lips almost touching his and whispered

"Deal"


End file.
